Season 3, episode 22

Directed by: Geraint Wyn Davies

Written By; Michael Sadowski

Guest stars:

Dr. Lora Haynes...................... Anna Pappas

Dawkins............................... Roger Honeywell

Cop #1................................ Adam Large

Pencil Pusher......................... Stuart Williams

The picture has a dreamlike distortion, there is a waviness to it. LaCroix is in Nick's loft looking at someone as he speaks. He appears as if he's looking down on someone. He tells the listener life is a gift.

The scene switches back and forth between LaCroix and Lora. She finishes her last journal entry and puts it into an envelope addressed to Dr. Natalie Lambert. Lora fills her bathtub, gets in fully clothed and slits her wrists as LaCroix talks about life. He says that life is a precious gift, and asks what they have to gain from suicide. He wonders how their life can be darker than the endless void of death, unless there is a strong belief in what lies beyond. He asks if they see a light at the end of the tunnel and if it is a glimmer of better things to come, or will they be burned by the morning sun. Can they answer the questions before it is too late and they have taken their life? He asks how strong is their faith. Are they hearing the angels trumpeting or the screams of Memnock's tortured souls? He wants them to make sure they are not trading a treasure for something empty. The beauty of life comes with pain and despair, leaving no one immune.

Lora's apartment is now a crime scene. The body is nearly obscured beneath the totally blood colored water. Natalie is holding the unopened envelope with Lora's journal, and her devastation clearly shows. She is seated in a chair directly opposite the bathroom. The victim is Dr. Lora Hines, a friend of Natalie and a psychiatrist. Apparently, no one saw the suicide coming, not even her closest friend, which might be Natalie. Nick comments that one never really knows their friends, and asks Tracy to please finish there so he can get Natalie home. Tracy does not look too happy, but agrees, Nick approaches Natalie, kisses the side of her head and leads her out of there.

In the hallway outside Natalie's office, she is seated on a bench in her scrubs and gown, reading Lora's note. It tells Natalie to do as Lora asks and not repeat her mistakes, not to let herself become empty. Natalie tells Nick it is her first suicide note and the first friend she has lost to suicide. As she puts her hand on her doorknob, she tells Nick, she thinks Lora was right when she pegged her as a kindred spirit. Nick says Lora must have had big problems to take her own life. Natalie tells Nick she used to think suicide was a major sacrilege, but is not so sure anymore. Nick's scared and tells her not to talk like that. She asks him why not, reminding him, that he has considered suicide before.

There is a flashback to Natalie waiting in the loft after Nick lost Erica. Nick enters a little too close to sunrise, in a bad mood from visiting Erica's apartment and seeing her play flyer. Natalie has to keep Nick out of the sunlight, commenting on his self-destructive mood. She learns he lost an old friend the other day to suicide. She sees Erica's beautiful doll and learns Erica's theory, when you stop contributing to life and become a burden; it is time to move on. Nick thrusts his hand into the sunlight forcing Natalie to quickly yank Nick's smoking hand out of the sun, angrily telling him suicide is never the answer. He asks if she is sure, thinking she is wrong.

Inside Natalie's lab, Nick tells her maybe she should not take the case, concerned about her. Natalie says she owes Lora to see that everything is properly done because her friend never reached out for help in life. She tells Nick she can handle it as she approaches Lora's body. She tells Nick the thing she cannot handle, which terrifies her is that she thinks she understands her friend.

Inside the bullpen, Reese learns Natalie is not doing too well and Nick is staying with her. Tracy says it was mean for Natalie's friend to address the suicide note to her. There are no suggestions of foul play. Everyone seems to agree it is a suicide. Reese sees Tracy's hinting at something and calls her on it. She tells him she is thinking of writing it up as a suicide and booking out early because she is not feeling well. He checks his watch then tells her to go home and get some rest because the flu is going around. Their conversation is interrupted by a commotion up front. Two officers have Dawkins pinned against a support post as he rants he is not going back and they cannot take him back. Reese learns Dawkins is being held for a pickup.

In Natalie's lab, they are standing on opposite sides of Lora's sheet covered body. Natalie is holding Lora's journal. Nick comments it is strange how something so personal becomes another piece of evidence, asking if she finds it strange too. She tells him it is not that way for her. Years ago she and Lora used to get together and talk for hours about their careers and professional gossip. Her depression deepens a bit as she tells Nick they slowly realized they never talked about themselves, because their personal lives were non-existent. Lora left her the note so she would learn from her friend's mistakes. She momentarily brightens as she says it's a wake up call. Nick tells her her life is not empty. She says it is not now, but it was before April 14th six years ago. Nick asks about the date, genuinely curious. She tells him that it is the day they brought him in.

There is a flashback to the night of Natalie's 28th birthday. The unidentified victim of a pipe bomb is brought in without much of a face. He had tried to stop a gang robbery, and was tossed a pipe bomb for his trouble. Natalie definitely did not want to hear that description as she helps the orderly move the body bag onto her autopsy table. She sees the gurney's covered with a layer of blood. The orderly quickly leaves. Natalie unzips the bag and finds his face barely damaged, commenting it isn't so bad, finding him attractive in the he's sorta cute, too bad he's dead sort of way. She answers a telephone call totally missing the blood being pulled back into the bag as well as his facial wound healing incredibly fast. She asks the person who called if they are sure they sent the right body. Nick's eyes open and he sits up. She turns around, jumps startled, and drops the telephone, seeing his glowing eyes and fangs. She is scared, annoyed and curious, asking what the hell is he, firmly telling him he was dead a minute ago. She is both repulsed and curious. He tells her she does not need to know as he hops off the table and makes a beeline for the fridge where he removes a unit of blood. He drains it like a foil juice pouch. He tells her he is something very different from her.

Natalie's mind snaps back to the present as she tells Nick her life changed that day. He seems to have a small pang of guilt over it. She tells him she does not want to end up like Lora. Nick says he will not let her. She tells him he just has to love her as much as she loves him. He seems completely speechless. His expression does not show how much he loves her. They silent stare at each other.

There is another Nightcrawler monologue in the same dreamlike picture of him talking to someone at the loft. LaCroix seems a little emotional, as if he truly cares for the one he is talking to. He explains how love warps the senses, twists souls, and makes people feel hopeless and helpless, like there is no cure. He knows all about the anguish and pain it brings. How it can overwhelm one to the point of them losing their love of life. He tells his listeners he has seen their love of life as they smell the ocean, watch the night stars, and are willing to give one mistress for another in a sacrifice. They need to carefully look into their hearts and make sure they are willing to make their choice, and tell him they are willing to do so.

Inside Natalie's office, she and Nick are depressed and hurting. He says he cannot, and she knows it. She says she has been wrong about a lot of things in her life, but isn't wrong about her feelings for him. She is asking for a resolution, not willing to keep going on as they are. She says they can be together. He tells her he cannot damn her into becoming what he is. She tells him there is a way. She has faith in him, and in whatever follows.

Nick flashes back to his wedding night with Alyssa. He lies next to her and drains her, both enjoying the experience. It is not until hours later that Nick grows concerned when she will not come around. LaCroix enters, taunting Nick about her being dead, that he took too much. He tells Nick that it is a subtle art that takes practice. It was only his first attempt. Unknown to Nick, he was not taught everything he needed to know to successfully bring someone across because LaCroix does not want to share him.

Nick returns to the present. He tells Natalie it is too much to ask. She's deeply hurt by his rejection, quite angry and feels betrayed, and it clearly shows. The anger is from someone that she trusted hurting her.

Outside, time seems to have slowed down as people entering and leaving the precinct are moving slower than they should be.

Inside the bullpen, Dawkins attacks the officer restraining him, breaking at least one arm as he breaks free. Dawkins has the officer's gun and grabs a hostage. Reese pulls his gun and is ready to fire. The hostage has a gun at her head. Tracy peeks out from behind a column to get a look at the situation. Dawkins starts to panic as every officer's gun is aimed at him. He tries to figure out what to do next.

A few seconds later time returns to normal speed. Reese tells everyone to hold their fire. Dawkins threatens to kill his hostage if they make him go back, dragging her across the bullpen to the back hallway after making sure it is clear. The hostage tries to pull on his arms as she is probably in a tight chokehold. Dawkins disappears around the corner. A balding man with wire rim glasses tries to stop them but plasters himself face first against the wall as if being frisked, when Dawkins points his gun at him. Dawkins pins him to the wall a moment before firing a shot above the guy's head. Every gun is aimed at the doorway as they balding man is shoved down the hall. The balding man comes out of the hallway unsteadily and drops to his knees. All the guns are raised out of firing position as they recognize him. He is helped to a nearby chair.

Reese orders two officers to follow him into the back hallway. Tracy goes the other direction. Dawkins pushes the hostage ahead of him, no longer having her in a chokehold, as she begs him not to hurt her. Dawkins sees an officer ahead and shoves her into him, buying himself enough time to split through a doorway, repeating he is not going back. The officer checks on the woman as Reese and the other two arrive. One is left behind to stay with the woman and other officer, while Reese and the remaining officer continue the chase. Dawkins cuts the power at the breaker box then heads off. Red emergency lighting comes on.

In Natalie's office, Nick is very concerned, telling her whether he brings her across or not, it could be a death sentence. She says living a lonely existence like Lora's is a death sentence, with Nick there is hope. She reminds him it is partly her decision. She is not afraid to try. He subtly shakes his head. Her expression is slightly pleading. They are interrupted by his cell phone ringing. She is not happy, especially once she learns he has to leave because of the hostage situation. She offhandedly tells him to go, they will talk later. She watches him leave, feeling a little like work comes first, then her. She knows he had to go help. She's still holding Lora's journal and caresses it with her fingers.

Nick flies over the city as fast as he can.

Dawkins repeats his rant about not going back, and how they will have to kill him. He frantically and desperately waves his gun around. He searches the lockers for anyone hiding in them, then hides in an open coat rack area next to the lockers. Tracy is scared. She slowly, quietly edging her way down the hall towards Dawkins, her gun is ready to shoot. Dawkins tells them to kill him now. Tracy is getting closer and closer.

In the bullpen, Reese tells his officers to man the exits and wants a negotiator, as well as SWAT, just in case. Nick arrives and learns the guy took an officer's weapon and is likely hiding in the locker room. Reese tells Nick he is going to let the guy make the first move. Nick learns it is Dilbert Dawkins. Nick tells the Captain he knows Dawkins because he arrested him.

In the locker room, Dawkins is very firm about not going back. Nick reassures him it's okay as he draws his gun. No one realizes Tracy's hiding around the corner because Reese told her to stay put and stay out of the locker room. Dawkins calms down a little upon recognizing Nick. He repeats he is not going back, putting his gun to his head. Tracy slowly creeps around the corner, into the locker room, but still out of sight. Nick's about a foot from Dawkins and whammies him into getting onto his knees and very gently laying the gun on the floor. He is doing that when he spots Tracy and snaps out of it. Dawkins cries out no then shoots Nick, who doubles over and vamps out. A few moments later Nick straightens up and sees Tracy behind him, horrified she is there. She is completely shocked, horrified and repulsed by what she sees including her partner is a vampire. Nick is shot a couple more times, as he picks Dawkins up off the floor. The fourth shot either hits Nick in the leg or ricochets off the floor.

Tracy slams back into the wall as Nick tosses Dawkins in the wall. Dawkins slides down the wall unconscious. Tracy slides down the wall leaving a large bloody smear from the back of her head her back. Nick sees a single red spot right below her sternum. The back of her head is covered with blood. Nick takes her head in his hands, as he angrily grows they need help. Her eyes are sad and pained as she tells him with a fair amount of effort that he could have trusted her, blood running out of her mouth and down her chin. Her head falls against him, devastating him, which isn't helped as he sees the hand from behind her head is covered in her blood.

Inside the loft, the picture is all wavy and dreamlike as LaCroix ask if Nick is tired of carrying so much guilt, if he is to the point of tossing it all. He comments on Nick's feeling like everything that goes wrong around him, including the actions and emotions of those around him is all his fault. LaCroix tells him it is not his fault, he must stop being foolish, it's unnecessary and very mortal. The night's events should show him that.

A paramedic examines Tracy, telling her partner Tracy's left pupil is fixed and dilated with no response, her blood pressure is eighty over sixty and needs to get out of there. Tracy has a bandage around her head along with an oxygen mask. The partner is to tell the ER Tracy was given 100mg of Lidocaine at 23:45 as they leave with the stretcher.

Across the locker room, Reese asks if Nick's okay. Nick says he did not know she was there. Reese says it was not his fault. Tracy made her own call, so he cannot blame himself, and is to forget any thoughts of it being his fault. The paramedic tells them Tracy took two bullets, one in the abdomen and has a nasty head wound. They do not know if she will live. Reese momentarily puts his hand on Nick's shoulder to comfort him, then leaves. Nick has not been this devastated since Schanke was murdered and it shows.

In Tracy's hospital room, Nick sits by her side. She's unconscious, hooked up to a cardiac monitor, has an oxygen mask forcing air into her lungs, but not breathing for her and her head's bandaged. Reese enters and tells Nick they have done all everything humanly possible, it is up to Tracy now. Nick seems a bit calmer. Reese tells Nick he has managed to push the civilian review board's interviewing Nick off until morning. Nick is going to take heat because Dawkins did not make it. Nick says he knows and is okay. He reminds Reese Tracy has a fighting chance. Reese comments he knows what it is like to lose a partner. Nick looks at Reese with a painful look.

Nick flashes back to Schanke's plane exploding, Tracy crying out in horror and being told to call it in. He remembers losing Schanke and Cohen a few months earlier.

Nick snaps back to the present, hearing Reese tell him nothing rips you apart like that. He knows Nick already knows this, having lost Schanke earlier that year Nick looks at Reese about to cry, his heart shatters into a million pieces, not needing the reminder.

Nick flashes back to finding Schanke's boarding pass in the wreckage.

In the present, Reese reminds Nick there's life after a partner's death and is there if Nick needs help. Nick looks more upset and devastated. Reese leaves. Nick turns his attention to Tracy as his mind wanders back to the plane crash.

At the crash site, Nick and Natalie are both quite upset. He tells her he could have gone. She reminds him he knows it is not true. He tells her if he had not caught Dollard, or if Dollard had gotten away. She tells him he cannot blame himself. It was not his fault.

In the present, Nick moves towards Tracy vamped out. He's zeroing in on her neck when Natalie suddenly walks in. Nick is growling. Natalie urgently calls Nick's name. He turns towards her still vamped out and softly growling, darkly telling her it is his fault if Tracy dies. Natalie's hurt by his being vamped out, his being about to bring Tracy across and it shows. She pulls him off to the side, asking how he knows coming across is what Tracy wants. She is more annoyed and upset as she asks why it is so easy for him to bring Tracy across, when he will not consider bringing her across, almost in tears. Nick leaves without a word, further hurting Natalie. Her heart shatters as she holds back tears.

Nick enters the empty, silent Raven. An undamaged white bust of LaCroix in a toga sits on the bar. He enters the back room and sees LaCroix packing a huge trunk, telling Nick he is leaving. It is time for both of them to leave because they have come full circle in their lives there. Nick says he is in trouble. LaCroix asks if Tracy's dead, hearing she is not, but her chances are not good. LaCroix comments that Nick has overstayed his welcome, and is causing his mortal friends pain, which has become unacceptable to them. The survivors will demand changes, which will compromise him one way or another. Nick says he cannot walk away, knowing LaCroix is right, but is not fully ready to face it. LaCroix does not buy the loose ends explanation, reminding Nick he has left looser ends before. Nick says Natalie needs him, and he needs to be there for Tracy. LaCroix tells Nick he will stop by the loft later for his answer, and will leave with or without him. He leaves.

At the loft, the picture is wavy and dreamlike. LaCroix's new monologue is aimed directly at Nick, telling him everything has a price. Love can be tasted, but not truly enjoyed. They may envy mortality in their darkest moments, but can never aspire to it. He reminds Nick that guilt is poisonous. It is death to stay past their time. Nick taught him if one truly loves a mortal, they must let them go, they must themselves leave.

LaCroix looks at Nick as he flashes back to loving Nick's sister. He listened to Nick tell him he would kill that he most loved about Fleur with the first sip of her blood. That leaving would show his love. LaCroix gently caresses the side of Fleur's face as he softly tells her it is a great irony how his cold heart can be so badly hurt. He softly kisses her on the forehead.

In the present, LaCroix tells Nick the purest form of love is leaving. The picture is all wavy as LaCroix is standing behind Nick as Nick's on his knees.

Nick flashes back to the suicide, as Natalie's in the morgue reading Lora's journal. Lora says she shares everyone's pain, but no one shares hers, it is hers alone. She has to stop and think where she is, what she is doing. She is going, not coming. She is gone. Natalie closes the journal, puts it into the box on the autopsy table and shuts it as the telephone rings.

Nick's driving around, hears the police radio, turns it off and turns on CERK. A female voice asks about her listener's love lives, if they are happy, fulfilled. A male asks where the Nightcrawler is and hears he said it was time to move on.

Nick flashes back to his and Natalie's conversation in the loft after Schanke was killed. She is angry and upset he was going to move on without saying goodbye, especially since she had to hear it from a desk sergeant. He says he has found it best that way. She asks if he has any idea how it makes her feel, reminding him about those who care about him, who love and depend on him.

Nick flashes back to talking with a mortal Janette at the loft, asking if she truly intended to never see him again, without giving him an explanation. She tells him she thought hit was for the best. He says she is wrong. She says she left because of his search for mortality. One has to have a cold heart as a vampire because they are surrounded by death, but cannot allow it or those emotions to touch them. Both she and LaCroix knew it. Nick is cut off before he can say anything. She tells him after 800 years he could no longer live without his humanity. She began to wonder if he was right because 800 years is a long time to have a cold heart. She is thinking and sounding more like Nick.

Nick returns to the present, listening to the radio of the Caddy. The announcer says she wants to hear from all the lonely hearts out there.

Natalie is in the loft waiting for Nick. She hears the lift door open, her expression clearly showing there is a lot on her mind and she does not know how to tell him or where to start. Nick sees her. She sadly, says Tracy passed away twenty minutes ago, tears in her eyes. Nick's upset but not totally surprised. Natalie wants Nick's arms around her.

Tracy's body is on a gurney. The sheet is pulled over her face and she is pushed out of the room and down the hall.

At the loft, Natalie tells Nick LaCroix thinks he is a fool for bearing all his guilt, for trying to atone for what he has done. He tells her maybe LaCroix is right, maybe he has only caused pain and death. She disagrees. He tells her Tracy, Cohen and Schanke, and countless others through the centuries have died because he is a vampire. Natalie asks him how many lives has he saved. He is more than made up for the past. He nearly growls that it is never enough. She is surprised to hear he is leaving because of her. She does not want his love because it will destroy her. She tells him there is a way. They have not yet tried Janette's cure. He just has to take a little at a time. He tells her it is more complicated than that. They are both really hurting. Their pains, desires, and love very clearly show. She says she is willing to take her chances, but he is not. He asks what happens if he takes too much. He is not willing to live a life of eternal pain. She asks how it is different from a life of eternal regret. She is growing frustrated and angry as she reminds him it is partly her choice. She asks if LaCroix ever talked about faith. Nick asks her faith in what. She says faith in himself, in an afterlife, and she doesn't know. She asks who loves them no matter what they do or what they are. He tells her Faith is a mortal folly. She asks if those are his or LaCroix's words, asking if he believes them, her tone optimistic and calling his bluff. His expression becomes glum, showing she knows him too well.

Nick flashes back to his second encounter with Joan of Arc, as she is a very different person, a heroine. Some call her a heretic. He reminds her she will die a martyr's death, probably pleasing her. She would rather be with her family. Nick offers to bring her across. She turns down his kiss. He asks why she is willing to die for the lying pious old men of the Church. She says she will do whatever she must to keep the Church strong, and will live on in the hereafter. He asks how she can be so sure God will be waiting for her, hearing it is pure simple Faith.

Nick snaps back to the present. He tells Natalie he is not sure. She says she accepts they have a few short years to live, and anything else would make their whole lives and everything they believe in meaningless. They both know it is true. Her optimism grows as she says that he has faith, and if that is a mortal folly, then he is the most mortal man that she has ever known. He momentarily brightens, then turns serious, telling her he can't deny what he is. She says he cannot deny what's in his heart. He brightens, but is serious. She says he has faith, and she knows whatever future they have, whether it is here or somewhere else she believes in him and trusts him as she gently caresses the side of his face. He is truly listening and beginning to believe what she is saying, a little awe shows, his eyes sparkle a bit. She asks him to make love to her, to take just a little at a time. He says he is afraid of what might happen. She tells him she is not afraid of death or an eternity in darkness as long as they are together. She has faith and love. She is asking him to make love to her. His expression shows he still cannot believe what he is hearing, along with the sheer ecstasy it brings him. She loves both the vampire and the man, not just one part. She trusts him. He huskily tells her he will not ever leave her. He takes her hand as they look at each other, the temperature shooting up by several degrees from sheer passion. He kisses her fingers looking as if he is going to cry from sheer happiness. He tenderly kisses her on the lips and she responds. He kisses the inside of her wrist and feels a wave of pleasure sweep over her.

He is vamped out, pushes the hair off her neck, and looks at her one last time before leaning into her neck. She looks scared and very nervous as he closes in. She grips his shoulder hard as his fangs pierce her skin. As he drinks from her, she sees flashes of his life pass into her, overwhelming her with the sheer number and wide range of emotions. Her eyes open wide as she is stunned by what she seeing, the horrible things he has done along with the good. She sees him revel in his vampirism, killing to survive. The flood of information totally overwhelms her and she passes out. Nick pulls his fangs from her neck as he gently lowers her to the floor, kneeling beside her.

LaCroix arrives and tells Nick either they can leave or Nick can add her to the family, asking if Nick has thought it through, suspecting he has not. Nick's near tears as he says he could not stop himself and took too much. LaCroix tells Nick she is on the brink, leaving her fate up to him. Nick asks if it is possible for a vampire to have faith. LaCroix tells Nick it is a strange question for their kind. LaCroix is a little disturbed and very uneasy when Nick asks if he ever had faith in anything but himself. Nick is wondering what to do. LaCroix says it has been nearly 800 years and questions how he could still have faith, having seen so much. He realizes he is losing Nick and fights for his son's life. He tells Nick to be done with her, time heals all and they must move on. Nick cannot deny what he is.

Nick leans over Natalie's body, telling LaCroix he cannot condemn her to their darkness and kisses her cheek. LaCroix tells him it is a wise decision, and they even have time for a quick burial if he wishes. He is unsure if he has won or lost. Nick's face changes as he has made a decision. He picks up a long wooden stick and tells his master she had faith in him and what is beyond life and death, that they could have a life together, a beginning, not an end. He kneels beside Natalie. LaCroix realizes he's lost, but is not giving up. He tells Nick not to be foolish. He reminds Nick life is a precious gift. He repeats his speech from the teaser. LaCroix asks Nick if his faith is strong enough, fighting for his son's life. He realizes he's lost, and says he is the devil in his son's eyes. Nick startles him by telling him he is wrong. LaCroix asks how Nick sees him. Nick faces his father and tells him he is his best friend, putting his hand on LaCroix's and hands over the stick. LaCroix is deeply touched by Nick's words. Nick kneels over Natalie, taking her hand in his. LaCroix damns Nicholas as he raises the stake over Nick's back.

Outside the sun rises.

Black Buddha Part 1 | Black Buddha Part 2 | Outside the Lines | Blackwing
Blind Faith | My Boyfriend is a Vampire | Hearts of Darkness | Trophy Girl
Let No Man Tear Asunder | Night in Question | Sons of Belial | Strings
Fever | Dead of Night | The Games Vampires Play | The Human Factor
Avenging Angel | Fallen Idol | Jane Doe | Francesca
Ashes to Ashes | Last Knight


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